On Tuesday I got a call from my specialist’s nurse telling me that the tests of the other day were wrong. She said that things got mixed up at the lab and that wasn’t even my blood they were testing!!! Imagine!!! I could hardly believe it. Have you ever let the air out of a balloon and watched it sputter around the room until it comes to rest on the floor totally deflated. That was me the day she called to tell me of the mistake. I was totally deflated. I had been so excited on the weekend and spent quite a bit of time thinking about the best way to go off dialysis. I was remembering what it was like to live without this tube in my gut and having to do treatments four times a day. My mind raced with anticipation. I would be able to wear normal clothes again. I could bend again. I could do yard work and not worry about the weight of the stones for my flower bed wall. Larry wouldn’t have to give me this dreaded needle every two weeks. Maybe I could get a decent job again. So many things for me to consider. It was such a let down to get that last call. I felt as though the wind had been let out of me. I sat down; totally speechless for a second.
In the old days I would have said something like, “Oh that’s too bad. See you next month.” I would then have spent a lot of time fretting about it and being mad but not letting on that I was mad, holding it in, letting the dis-ease build. In my healing frame of mind I now deal with things as they come up. As I’m learning from my study of nature - ruffle the feathers and swim away!
I made sure the nurse knew I was not happy about this. Keeping in mind that it wasn’t her mistake and I didn’t want to kill the messenger, I made sure to stick to the point but let my dissatisfaction show. Firm but not mean. It felt good to stand up for myself. I then sat down and had a good cry. It wasn’t time for me to heal. I still had more work to do to restore the balance in my life.
After a few hours of feeling sorry for myself I was able to see the positives in the situation and move on from the negative. Their mistake has nothing to do with me. I will continue to move foreword in the direction of healing, learning how to live my life with ease. I enjoyed the weekend preparing for kidney restoration. I think I’ll stay in that mind set knowing the day will come for my vision to become a reality.
Until next time, take care. MD