On Tuesday I got a call from my specialist’s nurse telling me that the tests of the other day were wrong. She said that things got mixed up at the lab and that wasn’t even my blood they were testing!!! Imagine!!! I could hardly believe it. Have you ever let the air out of a balloon and watched it sputter around the room until it comes to rest on the floor totally deflated. That was me the day she called to tell me of the mistake. I was totally deflated. I had been so excited on the weekend and spent quite a bit of time thinking about the best way to go off dialysis. I was remembering what it was like to live without this tube in my gut and having to do treatments four times a day. My mind raced with anticipation. I would be able to wear normal clothes again. I could bend again. I could do yard work and not worry about the weight of the stones for my flower bed wall. Larry wouldn’t have to give me this dreaded needle every two weeks. Maybe I could get a decent job again. So many things for me to consider. It was such a let down to get that last call. I felt as though the wind had been let out of me. I sat down; totally speechless for a second.
In the old days I would have said something like, “Oh that’s too bad. See you next month.” I would then have spent a lot of time fretting about it and being mad but not letting on that I was mad, holding it in, letting the dis-ease build. In my healing frame of mind I now deal with things as they come up. As I’m learning from my study of nature - ruffle the feathers and swim away!
I made sure the nurse knew I was not happy about this. Keeping in mind that it wasn’t her mistake and I didn’t want to kill the messenger, I made sure to stick to the point but let my dissatisfaction show. Firm but not mean. It felt good to stand up for myself. I then sat down and had a good cry. It wasn’t time for me to heal. I still had more work to do to restore the balance in my life.
After a few hours of feeling sorry for myself I was able to see the positives in the situation and move on from the negative. Their mistake has nothing to do with me. I will continue to move foreword in the direction of healing, learning how to live my life with ease. I enjoyed the weekend preparing for kidney restoration. I think I’ll stay in that mind set knowing the day will come for my vision to become a reality.
Until next time, take care. MD

I just got back from the lab, carrying with me a big orange jug with my 24 hour urine sample. A very grumpy nurse took blood out of my arm while I was there. As she was sticking me with her needle, with a scowling expression on her pasty face, I wondered who shit in her cereal! At least she had cereal. I hadn’t had anything to eat yet. Plus, I was the one sitting in the torture chair with a rubber strip cinched tightly around my upper arm. I think the least she could do is smile at me.
I don’t get results of these tests until Tuesday. I feel sick to my stomach. Receiving such good news on Wednesday from my blood work, reminds me how bad I want this. I’m scared of what the new tests will show. The waiting is torture. Today I’m having a hard time thinking positive. It is taking a lot of effort to not let the doubt creep in. Fear is a powerful emotion.
I’m going snowshoeing with my dog. Larry said he wants to come with us. Getting into nature always helps to keep my thoughts going in the right direction. Today is my Mom’s birthday. I can feel her spirit close by. She makes a really good guardian angel. I know she is sending out positive energy vibrations. I need all the support I can get.
Until next time, take care. MD

I have had amazing results from my blood tests this week. My creatinine is testing normal! Creatinine is the measure of toxins in the blood which shows how well the kidneys are functioning if at all. This is the day I’ve been working for but now that it’s here I don’t even know how to respond. It feels surreal; a bit of an out of body experience. The doctors want to do more tests on Monday. They will decide how to proceed after seeing the results of those tests. I’ll be holding my breath until I get those results.
Until next time, take care. MD

I haven’t written anything in awhile because I’ve been away. My husband had to work some trade shows and so I went along. We were in Vegas and Orlando. Tough job but somebody has to do it!

Going to Vegas is like going to the moon… another world. I definitely felt like an alien in that environment. I played the machines; waiting for the feeling of gratification that was evident on so many players’ faces. Put the money in, press the button and wait for 3 bunches of bananas to line up. No, nothing. This time I’ll pull the lever to change my luck. No. Still those bananas just won’t line up! I keep trying. My neighbor’s eyes have glossed over and his machine is making all kinds of noises. His bunch of bananas is cooperating. Keep trying Mary. It’s only a matter of time. I spin again. There it is... one, two, and can it be? Yesssss!!! Three bunches of bananas all in a row. I just won 50 cents. It only cost me ten bucks, although I soon learned that we don’t talk about what that 50 cents cost us. We cash out. Tell people we won 50 cents. Move on to another machine.

When in Vegas you can spend your day playing these mindless games but only talk about what you won. Do not refer to what that “win” has cost. I guess I’m not cut out to be a gambler. The machines and tables hold no allure for me.

Now shopping in Vegas is another story! There is an endless selection of stores to fit all tastes and budgets. The one thing they all have in common is the service. Wow! You can’t walk in a store without being acknowledged by the staff. Not only do they know their product but they make you feel as though they appreciate your business. They have a knack of making you feel important to them. I think all business owners in these small towns should go there to take some lessons on how to “win” a customer base. They don’t whine that people aren’t shopping there. They make it their business to get the consumer traffic into their door and to sell them something while they are there; making you feel as though you really need it. They aren’t leaving anything to chance. I guess that’s what having competition does for a business. They have learned to take control of their bananas!

All in all, the trip was a real positive for me. I had no trouble with security at the airports. My energy held out. My dialysis supplies were delivered to the hotels as promised. I was able to do my treatments with ease. It was a boost to my confidence and my moral. This was another big step in my healing process. I’m so grateful that my good health allows me to travel.

Until next time, take care. MD