June 21, 2011

It has been awhile since I’ve written in my blog. Since the last time you’ve heard from me, I have had an anniversary. Not a wedding anniversary, but the 4th anniversary of my illness. So much has happened in my life since then. I can hardly believe it was 4 years ago that I got sick. I don’t let myself think about that time very often because it was such a scary time in my life, but recently in a Body Talk session I was told I was carrying a lot of grief; grief for the loss of my good health. I was also told I needed to release that grief. The practitioner explained that I had put on a positive face with my illness, which wasn’t a bad thing, but in the process I hadn’t let myself grieve what I had lost. Since then I have allowed myself to feel the loss of my good health and have released a lot with some good crying sessions. I am now ready to write about it and share with you in the hopes this exorcise will help with my grieving process. It might take a few blogs to get through it so please bear with me.

In 1907, the day my husband took me to the hospital, I was feeling fairly positive on the drive to the city. I had been sick for a couple of months and was looking anorexic, not having been able to keep food down for weeks. My family doctor hadn’t been able to discover what was causing my symptoms but my latest blood work showed that my kidneys were in trouble. At that point I thought I had a kidney infection and the problem would be resolved after a visit to a specialist and maybe a prescription. It wasn’t that simple.

At the hospital they poked and prodded and asked all kinds of questions. They too were stumped. They told me that my kidneys had failed but they didn’t know why. I now realized that something was seriously wrong with me. It was at this point that I felt the first stirring of fear. That kind of fear feels a bit like an out of body experience. I laid there hearing the doctors and nurses but it was like they were far away, a bit like turning the volume down on the T.V. to where you have to strain to hear it. I felt a burning ball in my stomach. I wanted to cry but couldn’t: (Writing about this has me crying right now though!). I remember looking over at my husband and son who were sitting beside my bed. The look on there faces reflected my concern. Everything went into slow motion.

It’s funny the things you think about at those times. My mom had passed away a few months before and it crossed my mind that it was good this didn’t happen when she was alive because she would have been so worried. At this point it crossed my mind that I might be joining her. I was very scared by now.

The doctors put me on emergency dialysis by attaching a small plastic tube in through my jugular and out through my chest with a couple of ports on the end. This tube became my life line and 3 times a week, 4 hours at a time they attached the tube in my body to a machine that removed the blood from my body, filtered the toxins out of the blood and then put it back into me. These treatments made me feel better than I had felt in months but at the same time they made me feel like hell! I found that whole process very hard but it was keeping me alive and so I was grateful for the opportunity.

After a week of my staying in the hospital, of testing and getting no answers, the doctors finally did a kidney biopsy and that is when they discovered the P Acnu Vasculits that had destroyed my kidneys. The day they delivered my diagnosis was another day of extreme fear, although I tried my best to not let it show. My husband and daughter who were in the room at the time, were also trying not to show their fear and while we all tried to be strong for the other, each of knew that our lives were about to change. This was uncharted territory for us and we would have to take baby steps to learn how to deal with what lay ahead. That day when the doctors sat on the edge of my bed delivering “the news”, I remember very clearly looking them straight in the eye and asking if they were giving me my death sentence. Let me tell you I was very relieved when they said no, and I then asked what I could do to make it better. I didn’t cry then either, got to keep on that brave face come hell or high water!

That is where my healing journey began; starting with a book my daughter brought me called, The Secret. I have come a long way since then. I have a long way to go. Here I am 4 years later and I am finally at a point where I can release all this. That isn’t to say I’m not scared anymore; I have my moments. I still wear the brave face but I do take the time to work on letting go of all the emotions and beliefs systems attached to an illness in a healthy way.

I have attracted so much help along the way, in mainstream science, alternative sciences, and people from ordinary walks of life and in the many books about balancing your life that I read. I have taken a long look at disease and realize I was very naïve about where it came from and its causes. After much thought and reading and discussion, I now believe it doesn’t just appear because you breathed in chemicals etc, etc; it manifests from someplace deeper than that. I have noticed that even though we have come a long way in the health care world, we have more disease than we ever had. It has occurred to me that we will always have disease in our life until we deal with the real root of it. The doctors fixed me for the time being with medicines and surgery but I’m kidding myself if I think that’s all there is to it. In one way it would be easier because I wouldn’t have to do so much soul searching and I wouldn’t have to take responsibly for my health. But that would only hold the wolf at the door for a while and the next time things would most likely be much worse. The universe keeps giving you nudges until you pay attention, small at first and then with much more impact. I will take heed. I believe it is up to me to dig deep and work out the why of it so that I can live a future free of disease.

Until next time, take care.

I just finished watching an episode of Oprah, the topic was the 50th anniversary of a group called the Freedom Riders. Being a little girl when this group was formed and creating a stir in 1961, I had never heard of the Freedom Riders. It was a large group of men and women of different races, religions and walks of life who banned together to put a stop to segregation in the States. You can read about this event online, just Google Freedom Riders.

I felt sick to my stomach after watching this program. I have never had that kind of hatred directed toward me so I really don’t know what it would feel like but I know I wouldn’t like it. The amount of courage these people showed to stand up for their own freedom and that of the next generation amazes me. All of them risked their lives in the hopes of making the world a better place.

I am humbled by these kinds of people and am grateful for their existence. This serves as a reminder to me that anything is possible. And now 50 years later the Freedom Riders are still doing good. Today some white chick in small town Saskatchewan has been inspired by their story and will use it to help gather the courage needed to move ahead in her journey of healing.

I will continue to ignore the doubters, of which there are many, and concentrate on the pioneers of yesterday; the ones who were able to face their fears and rise above. Who knows, maybe 50 years from now somebody will be inspired by my story and use it to help them gather the courage needed to deal with their difficult situation.

Until next time, take care.

BodyTalk

On the weekend I went to a BodyTalk, Modules 1&2 course. This modality blows my mind! BodyTalk is a health care system that helps pain and stress. It resets the nervous system by means of neuromuscular feedback. It is non intrusive and doesn’t interfere with any medicines.

At the class, we were a group of women coming together to learn about this unfamiliar science and maybe a bit about ourselves too. Even though each of us has a different story, we all have the desire to learn an alternative way of helping our bodies, and that of others, to become balanced. Some of the techniques brought out a lot of emotion and a few of the ladies were able to let the tears flow at will. As I watched this, I found myself envying their ability to open up like that.

The energy in the room was daunting! A group of ladies showing the courage it takes to look inside of ourselves and to take the steps to grow. We were in the right place at the right time, doing the right thing for ourselves. Many times throughout the weekend I had to stop, and say quietly to myself, “Thank you for the healing.”

The last day of class I found myself feeling emotional (of course, trying not to show it!) when it was time to say good by to the women who were total strangers to me just a few short days before. As I walked out of the class, I had a strong feeling of “leaving the nest” for the very first time but I know the insecurities I feel about my role as a BodyTalk practitioner will fade with experience. I left there with a new found respect for myself and a strong gratitude for the miracle of my body and my mind.

As I continue on my path of healing I wonder what is in store for me tomorrow. My search for good health has brought so many amazing people into my life and I’m very excited about what’s next. I look forward to a long and prosperous future.

Until next time, take care.

Have you ever had the feeling that everything is going to be just fine, and that things will work out the best way possible for you? I have that feeling lately. It is like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulder. I just know that the universe is directing me where I need to go. I guess that means that I’m right where I’m supposed to be at this time of my life. I feel so good people! I can’t describe it; it’s like a total acceptance of an exciting future. My life is evolving into an experience, different from what I thought it would be, but an amazing journey. I feel awakened and more alive than I ever felt before my diagnosis.

I strongly believe that my health issues were brought to me for a reason and that I truly can earn my way out of this. I feel that I am on the verge of discovering my purpose in life and I’m very excited to learn what that is!

I have had great luck with a combination of mainstream and alternative medicines to help in my healing process. Most recently I am very encouraged by the results I’m getting from BodyTalk treatments. I’ve had also the class to teach me to do the BodyTalk Access techniques to myself, which are designed to address common ailments or conditions. After a short period of time, I am seeing such a huge difference in many areas in my life.

I am so excited about this! I am now looking into taking more classes to become a BodyTalk practitioner. I want to share this with as many people as I can and hopefully help a few along the way.

As I start to accept the direction the universe is taking me, I am discovering some amazing things about myself and the world around me. It seems as though dialysis has become secondary in my life; a means to an end. The why of it has yet to be revealed but I remain positive and open to infinite possibilities.

Until next time, take care.

On the weekend I watched a program called Marketplace on CBC, the topic being homeopathic medicine. The anchor woman showed her complete lack of knowledge on the subject and, while showing her prejudice towards alternative medicine, spent the duration of the show trying to disprove the benefits of homeopathic treatments. On their website they report that the program shows no obvious bias and gives the lay person a good idea of what homeopathic medicine is all about. That statement proves that they know nothing about the subject; otherwise they would know what fools they made of themselves by allowing this show to air in a valiant attempt to make fools out of those of us who choose to put our trust in homeopathic doctors! This episode removed all credibility for the program. Sorry Marketplace. You got this one wrong.

Each day I’m reminded of how important it is to take control of our own health care. Society puts a lot of pressure on us to follow the norm, take the pills to mask the problem so that more health issues can manifest in our bodies. The pharmaceutical companies have a lot of control of what happens in our health care system and you can bet they want us to keep taking their drugs!

I am grateful to be finding a balance between mainstream and alternative medicines. My advice to you is to not let anyone’s opinion, including mine, decide your fate. No one person has all the answers and no one science has all the answers. You have the right to gather as many professional opinions as you need to look after your body. Practice communicating to each of your doctors the different things you are doing, so they can better decide how to proceed with their treatments for your case; which isn’t always easy but stick with it and demonstrate that you will be the one to decide your future.

I want to hear what you have to say about this or any other topic I write about. Lets discuss how we can help ourselves live a fuller an healthier life.

Until next time, take care.

The other day I was watching Dr. Oz. His guest that day was Deepak Chopra. They were talking about the benefits of meditation and proper nutrition. Deepak said that are bodies can’t rebuild cells if we eat “dead” food and that eating “living food” is best. I had no idea what he was talking about and so I looked it up.

I discovered that foods that have refined flour and added sugar in them are considered “dead” food. Generally if a food spoils quickly it is considered “living” food. This would include fresh fruits and vegetables, milk and cheese, freshly made potatoes and freshly baked bread. The article pointed out that the more milled, cooked and dried out a product is; the deader it is. Items that fall into the crispy crunchy category are particularly dead.

You can’t revitalize living cells with dead food! This makes a lot of sense to me. I will put some time into looking for more information about this topic. As I move forward in my healing journey I’m always finding new ways to support my goal. I’m excited about the concept of “living’ and “dead’ foods and I look forward to sharing what I learn with you.

Deepak Chopra also stressed the benefits of mediation. He gave some ideas for different meditation exercises. I have tried other techniques but had trouble concentrating so I will give his a try and see if I have better luck. I want to learn this craft because I can see that it would be good for my health.


Until next time, take care.

I feel much better these days. I am so glad to know that how I feel depends solely on my thoughts. I’m learning to train my thoughts to get me out of any slump. It really works.
I know the universe has some exciting things in store for me. I look forward to my future.
Until next time, take care.